If we have differences in religious belief will that be okay with you? If my political view is different from yours is it still okay with you? Are you going to try to prove that you are correct and I am wrong? Will you consider me a bad person? Can we live together peacefully? Can we still exchange ideas in a mature and respectful manner? In general, what can you say about our culture on the way we express our faith and political views? Do you feel better when you prove that you are right? Do you feel better when after voicing your opinion no one can say an idea that is contrary to yours?
This article may change the way you relate to others, including the way you talk to others and the way you post to social media.
We must understand that we have different views of the world because of differences in how we filter information - the things we see, hear, or feel. We normally distort, delete, generalize information based on our past experiences and values. Because of these processes, we can have different views of the world. We also have biases, based on our religious or political affiliation or professional organization. As an NLP Master Practitioner, my first task is to put myself on the worldview of the person I’m talking with so that I can understand that person better. This is practical in all levels of communication, not just in the practice of NLP.
Going back to our first discussion, we can have different ideas of how our world works. We have various beliefs and we all assume that our belief is the right one. How will you know which of these beliefs are true? How will you know if what I’m saying to you in this article is true? How can you prove or disprove that? How about we have the same belief but with slightly different shades of what we think is right? Will that be enough for you?
If we argue, will that make our world any better?
Is there a better way? What if, instead of arguing, we try to prove the accuracy of our assumptions by our fruit, our result? “...a tree can is recognized by its fruit.” (Matthew 12:33) Instead of arguing, what if we try to disprove others by doing more good deeds than others? Will that make our world a better place? Is that a better example to our peers, our sons, our daughter?
Even if our ideas are good or the right ones, if we cannot prove it by the way we live, what good will it do to us? How can others benefit from it?
We pray that things will get better, that is good, it is actually so good because it is powerful, especially these trying times. But it will be better if our prayers transform us to true repentance, where we become more disciplined, obedient to the authorities, to our parents, more caring to our neighbors, to the needy, when we think more about others than about ourselves. Let’s apply our prayers to ourselves. Let’s be transformed by God’s power. Let God’s power transform our ways of thinking. Our circumstances should mold us to become better person.
Aren’t we hypocrites when what we are doing is different from what we are saying? In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) it is called congruency. There should be congruence in our thoughts and actions. If not, there will be conflicts on a personal level. There may be issues in our life that are needed to be addressed to take this incongruence away from us, but the first step is to realize that we have the responsibility for our actions and thoughts. Although, there can be experiences in our life that cause us to think in a particular manner and it might need some NLP techniques (for example, dealing with our deeply rooted emotional pain).
On the final note, we can of course express our belief. We can try to win others on how we think, but I think it will be bad for us to undermine the belief of others in an unrespectful and arrogant way. I’ve been like that in the past thinking that it is just okay, it is normal, everyone is doing that. We feel better when we prove that we are right. Right? But actually, it is not healthy in a relationship. It is certainly not helpful in our community. Sometimes, it is better to lose in an argument than to lose a friendship. Building meaningful relationships should be our priority after all.
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Author: Kristian B. Jayme, mIGNLP is a Certified NLP Practitioner by the International Guild of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is also a Certified NLP Master Practitioner by The Academy of Modern, Applied Psychology.
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