We tend to put labels on people. We usually define people by their religious beliefs, by their ethnicity, gender, role, and title. In doing so, we have in mind an idea of the kind of person we are talking with by these labels and definitions that we attached to them.
Before we continue, we have to define the term presupposition. Literally, the presupposition is an assumption. In the context of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), it is our assumption on a person, and the healthy way to look at a person is to see them uncritically and without labels (like what we’ve discussed above).
The worst label we can put on people is by their behavior. We may say that “you are a bad person” where in fact what we meant is that he is doing something bad. But we must remember the basic principle on NLP presupposition is that people are not their behavior. Though a person at times may choose to behave in a certain way, bad behavior for example. If it comes a time that a person who is doing bad behavior has decided to change, then you may say that he is no longer a bad person. You may observe that the label used to the person has changed, from being a bad person to being a good person. So, it justifies that it is improper to put a label on a person. A person is a being, a person is not their behavior. Bad behavior can be changed through proper education. Behavior is variable (it changes), while the person is constant (a being, never changes). Can you see the difference?
Every person has a unique view and perception of the world. It is like a fingerprint of our mind. That is the reason we have different opinions on different aspects of life (e.g. politics, religion). We must then realize that no one can tell a person that your opinion is completely wrong or your opinion is completely right. Our perception of the world is completely different from others’ perceptions of the world. It is like we are wearing colored-lense glasses that are different from others. Because of our varying values and experiences, we can have a completely different interpretation of what is happening in the world around us as compared to other people.
If we assume that we have different perceptions of the world it will be reasonable to stop judging others' beliefs and behavior. It is unhealthy in any relationship to argue about religion, politics, and other various subjects. Because opinion is just an opinion, I cannot say that I am completely right and you are completely wrong, vice versa.
If we want to pursue a positive growing relationship, we can start by respecting other persons world view. We must try to see things from their point of view. In the same way that we don’t want others to give us labels or put us in a box or undermine our beliefs, we must not also do that to them.
The Bible tells us not to judge others, but most of the time we hypocritically judge others with their behavior while we want others to judge us by our intentions. Let us try to understand other people's behavior by what their intention is. Generally, people are not planning something bad for other people. People are not doing something purposely to offend someone. So if we are offended, we must think, is this person really intended to cause me harm? Is he/she really wants to hurt me? Most of the time the answer is no. The problem is everyone is imperfect but we, most of the time, are intolerant of other people’s imperfections.
What we can do instead is give unconditional positive regard to a person. We must treat everyone with respect, not judging them and treating them in ways that we want to be treated.
On the final note, we should live a good life with the aim of becoming a positive influence on other people. Remember that you can identify a person by its fruit. By applying it to one’s ourselves, we can tell what kind of person we are by what we are doing. No matter how good our idea is, if we cannot apply it to our lives, then it has no value. Instead of focusing on others' mistakes and bad behavior, we must evaluate ourselves, our own thoughts, our own values, and our own actions.
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Author: Kristian B. Jayme, mIGNLP is a Certified NLP Practitioner by the International Guild of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is also a Certified NLP Master Practitioner by The Academy of Modern, Applied Psychology.
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