Relationship Responsibilities in the Context of Marriage

How is your marriage? What was your reason that you get married? If you're getting married, what is your reason that you want to get married? Take some time to think about this, then read on.

Is your reason is that you want your needs to get filled? There may be voids in your life that you want to get filled. Or could it be that you want to give yourself to someone with the purpose of building a strong and healthy relationship? Notice the difference. The first one is intended to focus on self while the other one is focused on your partner.

Just recently, my wife and I attended a marriage seminar with lots of reflective questions that were discussed in breakout sessions. There are many NLP principles that I find relevant in the context of marriage. I will discuss the top three most important principles in this article.

First of all, love, in the context of marriage, can be defined as a personal commitment to another individual. Why commitment? Most people defined love as a romantic feeling. The problem with that is if the feeling fades, love will also fade. The feeling may indeed fade or lessen to some degree, especially as you face issues in life. So why not consider commitment as a form of love. No matter what happens if you commit your love to someone then it will stand. If your concept of love is based on something that lasts, then your relationship is expected to last. But if your concept of love is based on something that changes over time (e.g. feelings) I doubt that it will last.

Second, both individuals have the responsibility to build the relationship. The objective, on a personal level, is to contribute to the building of the relationship. This is in contrast to getting married, to get something out of it. This principle alone if applied to a relationship can improve the relationships of many dramatically. It is moving from self-centeredness to selflessness. Unless the people in the relationship are growing together, they are growing further apart. Individuals in a relationship are like pieces of the puzzle, they have roles to play. There is interdependency, a mutualism, not dependency, not parasitism.

Let's get more specific on responsibility. The third principle is to need to establish healthy communication. In any relationship, not just marriage - that includes friendships, work relationships, even regular acquaintances - healthy communication is of prime importance. Communication forms as a building block of a relationship. That means to keep the relationship growing is to keep the communication growing. Otherwise, if there will be a lot of conflicts in the communication, the relationship will turn out badly.

Communication takes the form of verbal and non-verbal. Verbal, of course, is the spoken words used. However, you must appreciate that the majority of communication is in the form of non-verbal communication. The important thing is that both verbal and non-verbal should have congruence. Applying the first principle, each individual in the marriage has the responsibility to build a more healthy communication.

To establish a lasting relationship requires commitment, being responsible, and a growing healthy communication

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Author: Kristian B. Jayme, mIGNLP is a Certified NLP Practitioner by the International Guild of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. He is also a Certified NLP Master Practitioner by The Academy of Modern, Applied Psychology.